Living with Scleroderma

this is nothing but a curve ball

Feeling Sicky during the Holidays

This Christmas is the first time I’ve felt really sick during the holidays.

We had company over and I had to keep excusing myself to close my eyes co’z I had a headache that wouldn’t go away. As soon as i get to our bed to lie down, my whole body starts aching and I found it extremely difficult to move.

The cold weather isn’t helping either. My Raynauds are becoming more frequent and I’m starting to feel pain in my hands each time. My Rheumatologist prescribed Nitro Glycerin to hopefully give relief from my symptoms. The good news is that it does work. Unfortunately my fingers turning purple happen more often than I’m allowed to use the medication. For the meantime, I’m trying to get used to working with gloves at work, or else, I’ll get nothing accomplished.

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I had a lung scan today.I was told ahead of time that there might be a part two of the exam tomorrow. That’s if they see abnormalities like blood clots in my lungs. I felt good during the 40 minute scan and I was already preparing myself to go back to work tomorrow when I was told I need to return to the hospital again but this time for a breathing test.

I have to admit. I’m a little disappointed, upset and anxious. I was looking forward to a normal scan result. But I guess the silver lining is that the sooner they find out what else is wrong with me, the sooner they can fix it.

One day at a time….I’m still here to spend time with the ones I love and that’s all that matters. =)

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Brain Fog? Brain What?

brainfog

Brain Fog can be commonly described as the inability to remember things the way you normally would.

As I write this entry, I have to tell you that I’m going through so much brain fog at the moment, but I can’t NOT let this blog be left unpublished.

Let me first tell you that I didn’t always have the best memory growing up. This is the same reason why I never pursued anything in the Science field. I’ve accepted this in my life which is the why I focused my interests in the Arts instead.

However, after being a mother, I have experienced a bit more memory loss. At that time, I would jokingly blame it on my “Mommy Brain” as people would refer to it. This would make sense considering all the new stress and excitement that is physically and mentally going on along with taking on a new role of being a mommy.

Throughout the years, I’ve managed to stress less. I write down the things that I need to remember for work, the things I need to buy and things I need to do for the home. My memory hasn’t really improved but at least, I am able to live a normal life with a little help from my notes.

Unfortunately, I’ve been experiencing so much forgetfulness lately that I’m starting to believe that it is more than just “Mommy Brain”.

I have moments when I would be saying something to someone and I would completely forget that I just said it. It can get so confusing sometimes. I’m also constantly forgetting passwords and information at work relating to numbers and timeframes. I do have a reference sheet to remind me (thank goodness), but I’m so annoyed that I seem to keep forgetting these information I use every day.

When I’m speaking or writing, I have to constantly pause because I can’t seem to put into words what I’m trying to say. There are words that I want to use, the words I’ve always used and known, and all of a sudden they have fled my mind. It is very frustrating that I would just be thinking of exactly what I wanted to say and by the time I’m about to say it out, I’ve completely forgotten what it was.

Many instances in a day, I wonder if I did something a few moments after the fact. It’s the simple things like, did I tell my kids to brush their teeth? or did I put on my moisturizer? or did I put a snack in my son’s lunchbox? or did I put on the same pair of shoes today? Then I look back and I realized that for the most part, yes I did it. Although I would never forget that one day that I went to my son’s Halloween event in school before work and right when I arrived in the office to sit at my desk, I realized I was wearing two different kinds of boots— super awkward moment!

It has been quite Brain Foggy inside my head lately, so I have been reading more about it to see if this has anything to do with my Scleroderma. Among all the causes I’ve read, the ones that could relate to me would be Chronic Fatigue, Lack of Sleep, Stress and possibly that it could be a Side Effect of medications.

These would all make sense since I’m constantly tired, sleeping less hours than what I’m supposed to, can’t stop thinking about everything, and I’ve been taking a lot of medication in the last few months.

In realizing this, I’m still figuring out a way to live a normal life (or at least normal in my standards-lol) when I can’t remember things that I used to.

Until then, I’ll have to rely in the kindness and patience of people around me whenever I’m having my moments.

The good news is that I can still go on for most of my days even with this FOG!

And if you’re having the same problem, I just want you to know that you’re not alone. Some of us get cloudier days than others. But always be grateful for your days, because FOGGY or not, it’s still a day to enjoy with the people we love and care about!

Hoping you have a CLEAR BRAIN day today! And even if you don’t, its okay, you’ll still be fine anyway. =)

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