I had my cytoxan treatment last Wednesday. I’m feeling a little nauseous and dizzy and my tummy feels queasy. My body feels sooooo tired. I’m so frustrated not being able to do things I normally do. Taking a shower, brushing my hair and dressing up is such a difficult task for me nowadays. I have to get ready a little earlier just in case I’ll need to lie down to rest.
I haven’t been able to sleep good lately either due to my cough attacks waking me up a few times in the middle of the night. My coughs are coming back. I’m trying to see if some prednisone will help, but so far, no relief.
I only took 1 day off work after my treatment, I’m trying my hardest to manage my sick days, but everyday is just getting harder and harder. I’m probably pushing myself too hard, but I’m glad I have options if I can’t push myself any further.
On top of my coughing and breathlessness and fatigue, my nose has been bleeding everyday, sometimes more than twice a day, boo. I blame the crazy weather who can’t make up its mind if it’s gonna be hot or cold.
Today was pretty hard. I missed church coz I was up a few times from coughing last night. I managed I take a shower and get dressed in about an hour. My body is so heavy and I’m hurting everywhere. The hubby had a show and work tonight which meant , I’m taking care of the kiddies myself. I don’t mind of course, I just don’t know how much I can do for them with me feeling the way that I do. I try to still be the same mom to them I’ve always been, the involved, the silly, the tough but loving and the helicopter parent. I want them to always remember me as their mom who spent time with them, no matter what.
What else? Hmmmm, I really miss my hubby. I’m sad when he leaves for work. I pray God will bless him with the work that is willed for Him that will give us more time to be together as a family.
Anyway, with all of these things happening to me, a friend of mine told me that my life is something he envies, with scleroderma and all. He said that even though I’m not well, my life is peaceful and people around me get along.
I’m so amazed with God’s faithfulness. I know we all have our own mountains before us, and I won’t know how I would deal with other people’s problems, but we are all given our own. I guess I can always focus on the bad things, but there is always so much more to be thankful for. This mountain I face is smaller than my God who can move mountains
God bless you and your week!