Living with Scleroderma

this is nothing but a curve ball


on January 25, 2013

There are times when I watch shows that make me miss all the times when I was having fun dancing, singing, shopping and going out with my husband and friends.

Then there are days like today, when I wake up from sleeping for 10 hours and still be exhausted. I almost fainted in the shower.  I started getting ready for work, but I had to sit down and then finally lied back down because I just couldn’t stay up anymore. I don’t even have enough energy to make it to work today.

It made me think.  I miss just being able to get my kids ready for school and myself ready for work without feeling so tired immediately.  I miss not having my cough attacks. I miss not losing breath or coughing when I even walk to the bathroom.  I miss enjoying sleep without any coughing, pain, numbness in my hands and arms and tingling all over my body.  I miss playing with my children for a long time because mommy gets tired easy.  I miss being able to open certain packages for my kids or being able to fix my daughter’s hair with no problem because my hands don’t work the same way anymore.  I miss not feeling like the way I do.

In the shower, I kept saying to myself, “I am STRONG, I am STRONG!” For a moment I felt like I failed.  How can I claim to be strong and not even stay up?  Then I realized something.

Physically right now, I maybe weak, but not at heart.  My heart is strong because I’m blessed!

I’m still blessed.

I thank God for blessing me with an amazing husband that always takes care of everything that I can’t .   I thank God for my children, who constantly makes me happy and reminds me of how blessed I am no matter what. I thank God for my parents who constantly prays for me and lets me know they love me.  I thank God for my in laws who takes care of our children and transports them where they need to be when we can’t. I thank God for my supportive coworkers and bosses who are tolerant of me, yet still treats me the same way to provide me some normalcy.  I thank God for an opportunity to reconnect with old friends. I thank God for friends and family who really care. I thank God for his provisions. I thank God for a great group of medical professionals taking care of me. I thank God for being able to learn and grow from situations that I cannot control.

What can I say? In every dark cloud, there is always a silver lining. Be BLESSED!


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